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11 May 2008 - 2:20 a.m. I can't sleep. I can't say that I am surprised by my inability to sleep...too much running through my head. However, what does surprise me is that in the dark hours of the night I turn to diaryland for comfort. I haven't updated this diary in going on 2 years and yet tonight...tonight I was drawn to it. I feel as though I am standing on the edge of something big--and I am not sure if it is good or not. I am not sure that it is even simple enough to be either; regardless, I don't understand it. The fact that I don't understand it, that i can't seem to understand it scares me beyond belief. I am terrified, I am excited, and I am incredibly sad. Several conversations that i have had recently have truly gotten me thinking about myself and some of my decisions. I can see the person into whom I am turning, and i love that person, yet I also feel a sense of disconnect, as though this person is emerging from a source outside of myself, beyond my control. I don't actually feel a part of this new person who is living my life. I think that this rambling means that i need sleep, whether or not it comes.
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